You Made Your Bed
by MyaBellermine
Summary: Arizona cheated on Callie... she made her bed.
1. That's It, I Quit

**First off I'd like to thank my betas Cooper38 and BeckaLinda1997**

**Second enjoy**

Chapter 1: That's It, I Quit

Arizona sat down on the shower floor, the warm water rushing over her body. She had her head between her knees, a raging headache; she felt like she might throw up. She had done this, this was her fault, and she knew without a doubt that it was unforgivable. This was not something that two sane people got through, because who could get over the ultimate betrayal.

She stood, with the help of the wall, grabbing frantically for the soap bar. She felt so dirty, she felt so wrong. She scrubbed frantically at her body, over and over, trying to wipe away the feeling. She had done this, this was her fault.

Her forehead hit the shower wall with a small thud. The water washing over her head and down her face. She closed her eyes and breathed in the familiar smell, the soap of her wife...soon to be ex. Tears began to spring up in her eyes, she had done this.

It had all felt so right... in the moment. But when it was all said in done, she felt like she was going to be sick to her stomach. After, it felt all wrong, that was not her wife, she did not love her. There was no passion behind it, no meaning. Meaningless. The sex had been meaningless.

She had done this, this was her fault.

…

Callie continued to stare at her wife from across the bedroom. There was not a thought in her head, and she could not even begin to form words. She felt like her world was crashing down on her, like every thing she had worked for in the past couple of months, now officially meant absolutely nothing.

She didn't know what to say.

Arizona waited for her wife to say anything, to yell or scream, but Callie stood there quietly. Her brown eyes gave nothing away; Arizona had stunned her into silence. The blonde ran her fingers through her hair, nervously waiting for Callie's response. When there came none, the blonde began to grow increasingly worried.

"Callio-"

"Don't," Callie rose her hand to signal her to stop. She did not want to hear her voice. "Don't. Don't talk, okay. Please, don't say a word." The raven-haired woman had no idea how to process the information she had just been fed.

However, one thing she did know, was that there was no emotion. She felt almost completely numb, there was no anger, no sadness or complete heartbreak. She felt empty and cold and indifferent. What was she suppose to feel? How did you react to this?

She had been cheated on once, by George, but she never really loved the man. This woman though, the one standing before her, was her life. She was her soul mate, she wore her wedding band, she promised forever. She was the mother of their child, she was her air. Callie brought her hand to heart, she felt like she couldn't breathe. Like someone had sucked all the oxygen out of the room.

She continued to study Arizona; her eyes never wavering from her face. The face she had trusted a second time when everything in her screamed not to after the Africa incident. The face that she had supported time and time again when shit hit the fan. She studied the eyes that were only suppose to be for her, the eyes that she had fallen in love with. The lips she had once kissed, the cheeks she had once caressed, the jaw she had once nibbled at. She stared at the woman she gave it all to, and she didn't recognize her anymore.

Callie felt like she was going to be sick, she couldn't look at her any longer. Her gaze dropped down onto the floor, and in that moment, Arizona knew she had just lost her wife.

To be completely honest, she knew she had lost her wife the second she had locked that on-call room door. The second she had took Dr. Boswell's face into her hands and crashed their lips together. The moment she had begun to undress the other blonde doctor, to touch her, feel her. Arizona felt her tears begin to well up again.

"Callie," she whispered out.

Callie shook her head, still memorizing the wooden floor of their bedroom. " I can't look at you right now Arizona. I can't look at you, I don't want to hear you, I don't even want to say your name."

"I feel so dirty," Arizona tried again.

Callie's eyes snapped up towards the blonde. Instead of anger, Arizona found nothing, no emotion what so ever. "You feel dirty... I feel nothing. I feel nothing Arizona. I should feel something right? I should feel hurt, angry, sad... right? Shouldn't I want to yell and scream and kick the shit out of you? Kick the shit out of Dr. Boswell? Because I mean it took months before you even let me touch you again, but you hop into bed with the good doctor within two days. That should hurt right?"

Arizona didn't know what to say to that, her mouth hung open slightly, and her eyes pleaded with Callie. For what, even she didn't know.

"I don't know," Callie chuckled lightly. "_I don't know. _Maybe I can't feel anything, because what was left of my heart, resided in your palms... and you completely crushed it. This wasn't even the first time either, no. This was the second time. Or maybe, I don't want to believe it, that I'm in denial. Maybe I want to believe this is just a nightmare, that I'll wake up and its a bad dream... Maybe I just don't care anymore. I've been hurt so _many_ times that I'm immune. I mean, George cheated, Erica left me in a parking lot, and now you cheated. My own family disowned me, maybe I'm just use to it. I don't know..."

Callie dropped her head and smiled at the floor sadly. Everybody left and everybody died and she couldn't feel anything anymore, she was a shell. "What do you think, Arizona?" she asked her wife softly.

Arizona looked at her for a second, she scrambled for an answer.

"Hell, you probably don't know either. Lauren was there and she was charming and she probably made you feel like your old self... pretty reasonable reason to cheat. I could live with that, if that was the reason you cheated. Not with you, not as your wife, but I think it would be forgivable, and I wouldn't resent you for the rest of my life," Callie said shaking her head. "I wouldn't forget, but I could forgive."

"Callie," Arizona whispered out again. Her heart was breaking in her chest for the confused woman before her. She had done this to her, and even if Callie could forgive her, Arizona would never forgive herself. "...it's not you."

"It's not me?" Callie asked. "It has to be me. Something about me is so easy to forget, I'm forgettable."

"-No," Arizona shook her head.

"Maybe it was my fault," Callie continued to speculate. "Maybe I wasn't a good enough wife, couldn't meet your needs... maybe you're tired of me or maybe you still resent me for cutting off your leg. I pushed you to hard, I didn't support you enough... I'm sorry, if that's the case. I'm so _so_ sorry."

Arizona wanted to hurl. She wanted to run to the restroom and throw up. She couldn't stand to hear her wife blame herself. It had nothing to do with Callie, and everything to do with Arizona. That was the truth, but here Callie was blaming herself. Callie didn't deserve this, she deserved so much better, but Arizona never thought of that during that 15 minutes of bliss. Not even pure bliss, like Callie brought her, just an okay bliss.

Callie scrunched her nose up, shaking her head. "...but either way, I didn't deserve this. I deserve better, deserve more. I stood by you for months as you belittled me and yelled at me and ignored me. Stood by you when you were peeing yourself on the floor... _I_ stood by you. I could have easily cheated during those _months _when you wouldn't even let me _touch_ you, when I was so horny it hurt. I didn't though. Thought about it, but didn't. I stood by you because I was your _wife. _You treated me like dirt, but I was there because I had committed myself to you. For better or for worse, remember that?

"...maybe you forgot. Through sickness and in health. I took you Arizona Elizabeth Robbins to be my wife, to have and to hold from that day forward; for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and obey, till death did us part. I made an oath Arizona, and I stuck by my oath because I did not make it _lightly_. I loved you, cherished you, and obeyed you even when maybe you didn't deserve it. I was in it for the long haul, till death did us part. I could have _cheated _Arizona, hell, I'll be man enough to admit I _wanted _to cheat. I wanted someone to want me, in anyway. But I _didn't_, because I respected you too much to do that to you. To us."

Tears were falling down Arizona's face now, her heart hurt, finally hearing the truth. How much she had hurt the woman who she was suppose to protect with her everything. The woman she was suppose to be a good man in a storm for. She had hurt her, and she had failed her.

"... I don't deserve this Arizona, and you don't deserve me."

Arizona walked across the room, she had to feel Callie. She reached out for the Latina, but Callie instantly retracted her arm away.

"Don't," Callie whispered, her voice holding emotion for the first time in the conversation. "Don't touch me, please."

"Calliope," Arizona choked out this time. "Please..."

Callie shook her head. "I can't Arizona... I can't. So I'm going to pack my things here, and I'm going to take my things over to Mark's apartment. I'm going to leave Sofia here tonight because she doesn't need to be taken away in the middle of the night because her mother's are breaking up... Tomorrow I'm going to come over. We will make breakfast, talk over a schedule for Sofia, where she'll sleep at night, who gets her when because I want her to transition into the change that is going to happen as easily as possible.

"We are going to discuss couple's counseling and the pros and cons of divorce. And if I feel divorce is our only option, we'll discuss who will get what. We can discuss the why it happened, and I want the details. I think I deserve that. We are going to do this split civilly, like adults, and without fighting because Sofia shouldn't have to hurt because her momma made a bad decision... that's how it's going to go. We will be late for work, and if necessary call in sick."

Arizona watched her wife think over all the decisions she was making. She knew none of this wasn't an overreaction, she couldn't even argue or fight for her wife... she didn't deserve to.

Callie sighed deeply before reaching for her left hand and slowly pulled the ring that bound them together off. She reached for the back of her neck and unclasped the heart she had once been given for Valentine's day off.

Callie reached for Arizona's hand, turning it palm up, "I'm going to hand these back to you," she said dropping them in the shaking hand and quickly tearing her own away. "Now I'm going to walk away."

Another sigh and Callie turned around walking towards their bedroom door and reaching for the handle. "... You were it for me Arizona, you will always be it for me. I trusted you, but you betrayed that trust and you can never win that back." With that Callie quickly opened the door, walked out, and lightly shut it behind her.

Arizona collapsed on her knees and began to weep into her hands.

How did she live without Callie? How did she live at all now?

…

Callie stared up at the ceiling of her dead best friend's bedroom. It was three in the morning and she couldn't fall asleep. Her stomach was in a knot, she was feeling sick, and she was dreading the morning when she would have to look Arizona in the face again. She couldn't do that, she didn't want to do that.

Every one of her nerve endings felt like they were on fire, her brain hurt. Her heart though, her heart felt like it was no longer beating, like it had stopped pumping blood and she was dying. She had to take her pulse just to make sure that it was in fact still beating. She heard nothing but Arizona's words echoing repeatedly in her head. _'I slept with Dr. Boswell.' _Over and over again those words played until it drowned out her breathing and any other noise being made at the time.

If she could burn a hole into the wall by just staring, that would have happened a long time ago. Of all the things she had expected to happen to them, this was never one. She had trusted Arizona explicitly, put everything into their relationship, bared her soul to the blonde. She had supported her, took shit from her, and held her when she needed it. She had wiped away her wife's tears when she was in pain and comforted her when she was hurt. She was a _good_ wife, but Arizona still cheated on her anyway.

She had betrayed Callie in the worst way possible, lost her trust, crushed her soul. What took Callie months to gain back with her wife, took Lauren Boswell a little over two days to ruin; for Arizona to ruin.

Did Dr. Boswell see Arizona's dark side? Did she clean her pee off the floor? Did she take Arizona's insults and hatred? Did she support her through _everything_? Did she have a kid with her? Was she married to her? Did she even know Arizona at all?

Callie was sure the answer was no. She had come in and thought it would be fun to flirt with a married woman, she had come in and ruined a marriage and was going to flutter away without a second look back. No, Dr. Boswell did not know Arizona, and no, Dr. Boswell wasn't going to stick around for Arizona. Dr. Boswell wasn't tied down by Arizona, she was only having her fun with a beautiful woman, not thinking about all of the pain she was going to cause.

Callie didn't like Dr. Boswell all that much, she didn't hate her, but she didn't like her either. Lauren Boswell had wrecked her life, her kid's life, Arizona's life, and there was probably little guilt associated with her actions too. Nope, Callie really didn't like Dr. Boswell.

And Arizona, what was Arizona thinking. Where were they at in their marriage if Arizona felt the need to find solace in another woman's arms. Maybe they weren't as okay as Callie had thought they had been. Her stomach clenched again at the thought, and she rubbed her eyes that began to burn with tears.

She felt the warm liquid trickle down slowly onto her burning cheeks. That was her breaking point, she curled into a ball, pulling her knees to her head and began to sob. Her whole body shook as she cried into her knees, her face scrunched up in pain. She felt nothing but all consuming agony.

She really needed Mark at the moment.

She clutched for his side of the bed, grabbing his pillow and burrowing into it. She could pretend it was him for the night. Her sobs slowly began to fade and she looked at the ceiling once more. She began to talk to him.

"Hey Marcus Sloan," Callie said as she sniffled. "Haven't talked to you in a while. Sofia is doing good... God you should see her Mark, such a beautiful little girl. She laughs at just about everything, and her smile. God that smile Mark, it's a mix between mine and yours and I swear she could have anyone she wants. She's going to be a heart-breaker when she grows up, I can just feel it.

"Ari- blondie is alive. She lived through the plane crash... lost a leg, but lived. And Derek is back in surgery and Meredith is pregnant with their second child and Cristina went a little crazy for a second. She moved to Minnesota for a bit, but then came back where she belonged. She and Owen got divorced and Meredith, Cristina, Derek, blondie, Avery, Webber, and I own the hospital now. It's called Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital in memory of you and Lex... tell her I said hi by the way.

"Kepner is engaged now, Bailey thinks it's her fault three people died because of her staph infection, and Avery is in charge of everybody. You'd be proud, he is doing your legacy proud... I guess though, I'm talking to you to tell you what happened today.

"My wife, yeah you remember her, the one who promised to never hurt me intentionally cheated on me. She cheated on me with Dr. Lauren Boswell, who is incredibly charming and beautiful. She is an amazing surgeon and a good person and I can see why she cheated," Callie took a shaky breathe. "She cheated and I handed her my wedding ring and heart necklace and walked out of the apartment. Is it wrong, that I'm giving up? Am I not being fair?"

Callie waited for a response in the silence, "... yeah no you're right, I deserve better. God Mark, if you were here you'd probably kick her ass, woman or not. I'd cry on your shoulder and you'd be all great and best friend like. You died, and I have no one. What the hell do I do Mark? How do I cope?"

Callie began to sob again, "I miss you Mark. I miss your stupid sexual jokes and your stupid advice and your unwavering love. I also need you, so much. Because Arizona was who I needed, but I can't need her anymore because she hurt me too much. So I need you, and you are dead. You are dead and I can't even believe it still.

"I still expect to see your ugly mug at work handing me a cup of coffee in exactly the way I hate it, knowing I'll drink it anyway because it's coffee. I still expect you to pop into my apartment uninvited and sit down and drink a beer. To pick up your daughter and see Sofia smile at her daddy. I still expect to see all of that, and I can't believe it's gone.

"I don't know how it all got screwed up so fast, but it did. You guys went to Boise to be the amazing doctors that you are and your plane crashed and you died and Arizona lost her leg. One second I was married to a woman who took my breathe away when she looked at me like I was the only one that existed... and the next I'm sobbing in my dead best friend's bed because the woman who held my heart cheated on me. Like we meant nothing."

Callie sniffed into the pillow curling up deeper into the bed. She tried to feel his warmth, tried to smell his scent, but it was all washed away. "... just tell me what to do Mark, please? Because I'm so confused."

Callie closed her eyes, expecting some sort of reply, but not getting anything in return. She gripped the pillow tighter, familiar words ringing in her head. Something Mark had once said to her.

_"All you can do is be brave enough to get out there. You fought. You loved. You lost. Walk tall, Torres."_

She could still remember his gruff voice saying those exact words to her years ago. Her eyes began to brim with tears again. She wasn't going to stay and try to fix it, she knew it was broken beyond repair. The only option was divorce, she had to get out of there. She had given it her all and she had lost her all, but she wasn't going to let this ruin her. She was determined not to.

She was going to walk tall and she was going to divorce Arizona and she was going to be civil about it.

…

Arizona laid in bed clutching her soon to be ex-wife's pillow. The tears that she had shed were beginning to dry on her face, but she didn't care, she didn't care about anything. Everything hurt and she felt dirty and everything was all wrong. Callie was supposed to be in bed next to her, their legs tangled together, and her arm wrapped around Arizona's waist. But she had ruined that.

They were supposed to be basking in their post-coital bliss of love making, and having cute little pillow talk. They were supposed to be smiling and laughing and eating cold pizza. But Arizona had slept with Lauren, and nothing was ever going to be the same.

There wasn't even a good reason for why she had slept with her. Lauren just made her feel attractive, not that Callie didn't, but there was always this lingering sadness with Callie. Like every touch might be there last, and Arizona wanted to just feel without that for a second... and so she felt. But it felt nowhere near as good as what she shared with Callie. Her Calliope, or not hers anymore. Lauren did not even come near Callie.

It was spur of the moment and dumb and it felt good. It felt good till it didn't, till the guilt took over and she had realized exactly what she was going to lose. Her family. Her family that she had fought so hard for, that she gave up Africa for. She had thrown that all away earlier that night.

Arizona remembered the speech she had given Carlos Torres almost four years back, she laughed into the darkness of the room at the thought of it.

"_Most people think that I was named for the state, but it's not true. I was named for a battleship. The USS Arizona. My grandfather was serving on the Arizona when the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor and he saved… nineteen men before he drowned. Pretty much everything my father did his whole life was about honoring that sacrifice. I was raised to be a good man in a storm. Raised to love my country, love my family and protect the things I love..."_

She laughed at it now. The irony. She failed her father, her mother, her older brother. She failed Sofia and she especially failed Callie. She didn't protect Callie... or Sofia. She wasn't the good man in the storm. She wasn't anything but a cheater, a dirty, rotten cheater.

She remembered when she had come back from Africa, begging Callie for a second chance. Or when she had proposed to her in the SUV. She remembered the moment she told Callie that if she ever slept with another person, she would beat the crap out of her, or when she asked her to never run. She remembered it all and laughed.

She laughed until her sides hurt and it felt like her gut was going to burst... and then she cried. She cried because she had lost everything that she had worked so hard to keep, and it was all her fault. She had lost it because she had slept with Dr. Lauren Boswell. She had lost it because she was an idiot. A moment of passion, a lifetime of pain.

Nothing was ever going to be the same, and it was all her fault.


	2. Little Lion Man

**Okay short update, big thanks again to BeckaLinda1997 and Cooper38**

**Thank you also to everyone who read, reviewed, favorited, and followed:)**

Chapter 2: Little Lion Man

Callie and Arizona sat in silence at the table, neither wanting to look at each other. Granted they were for two very different reasons. Arizona had gotten Sofia ready and fed, and the brown-eyed little girl was happily playing with her toys in the living room.

Callie took a drink of her orange juice, not knowing what to say, or how to even talk to the blonde. Arizona sat fiddling with her hands, waiting for the raven-haired woman to decide their fates. She was pretty positive she already knew, Callie had been cheated on once before and made it clear that she never wanted it to happen again. There was no way Callie was just going to forgive the infidelity and try to fix things with her. It wasn't Callie, of course Callie fought like hell for what she wanted, but to be betrayed in one of the worst ways really left nothing to salvage.

Callie could salvage a relationship after Arizona had hated her and blamed her and treated her with a cold shoulder for months. That was a salvageable relationship, that was a relationship that could be fixed and was worth fighting for. Callie could deal with hate and blame and coldness, but Callie could never live with infidelity... not again. Especially not when it was just her Arizona betrayed, Callie felt like the blonde not only betrayed her, but Sofia as well. Granted even though Arizona betrayed Sofia, Callie would never take Arizona's baby from her.

The silence was not comfortable like it would have normally been before, it was uncomfortable and awkward. The tension in the room was palpable. Arizona cleared her throat, daring to speak up. "What happens now?"

Callie looked up expecting to meet familiar, blue eyes, they held no remnant of the woman she'd once fallen in love with, and she was instead met with the eyes of a stranger. "You tell me," Callie said.

"Well you said we'd talk, so let's have the talk," Arizona spoke her voice a little scratchy.

Callie looked down again, fiddling with her napkin. She had a million burning questions, but she only managed to choke out one. "Why? That's the one thing I never asked yesterday night. Why?"

Arizona's eyes began to water, she had no clue how to answer it because she herself didn't fully understand why. Lauren was there and she was saying things and none of it was a valid excuse for her course of actions, she didn't have the reason why. She could not provide that answer.

"I don't know why," Arizona whispered.

"There has to be a reason, Arizona," Callie breathed trying to control her temper. "There is always a reason."

"I don't know Calliope-"

"Don't," Callie stopped her before she could continue. "Don't call me that, you lost that privilege. You don't get to call me that, so _please _don't."

Arizona nodded her head in understanding. She understood, but she didn't like it. "I don't know Callie, I don't have a good enough reason for what I did. I will never have a good enough reason for it, anything I say now doesn't change what I did. I slept with another woman, I broke your trust, betrayed you. She was there and she was saying things and I hadn't felt attractive in _ages_," Arizona stressed the last word. "I know you tried... to make me feel like I was beautiful. But you are my wife and I thought you were obligated to. Like you were just saying those things because you felt like you had to. To have someone who had no obligations to me tell me how attractive I really was felt extraordinary. That's all I got."

"Arizona," Callie sighed grabbing for the blonde's hand. "I wouldn't lie to you. I wouldn't stay because of an obligation, I had that happen to me once and it felt horrible. I would have never done that to you... stay because I felt like I had no other choice. I stayed because I _loved_ you. I stayed because I wanted my wife back, I wanted you. I needed you. Need you."

The way Callie spoke it the past tense was not lost on Arizona, and the growing knot in her stomach only grew larger.

"I thought about everything last night Arizona..." Callie began softly. For as much as Arizona hurt her, she wanted to do everything in her power to make this the least painful on Arizona as possible. But she was not sticking around this time.

"Okay," Arizona sighed sadly, she knew what was coming next. "What did you decide?"

"I tried to talk to Mark... I laid in bed and talked to my dead best friend like he was really there. I talked it all out, told him everything, all the gossip and all the happenings at the hospital. I talked to a _dead_ man Arizona because he was all I had left to talk to... do you know how sad that is? That to talk, to really, _really _talk I had to talk to someone who wasn't even there. This 'talk' I had with him was my first real conversation since you lost your leg. It was a conversation filled with truths and things I had been trying to bury and feelings I was repressing.

"When I was talking to him, I realized something. I had tried my hardest to fix us, _so _hard, but at some point I gave up and decided to live with being content with whatever you managed to give me. At some point I sacrificed my own happiness for you... I haven't been truly happy in a long time Arizona, and I'm not saying this to hurt you. I just want you to know the truth, you deserve the truth. I realized that at some point this stopped being a marriage, an equal partnership, and more just me walking on eggshells around you. I stopped being able to be truthful and honest with you without being afraid you'd shut me out again."

Tears began to slip from Arizona's eyes, every one of Callie's words sinking in. She shook her head not wanting to believe any of it, but knowing that this was the sad truth.

"At some point our marriage was failing and neither of us did anything to fix it... which only paved the way for an incident like this to happen. I mean we were getting better, but I doubted we would have ever gotten back to where we were before the plane crash, before I made the call to cut off your leg. I realized a lot of things, Arizona, and I realized I don't want to try and fix us anymore.

"I've tried to fix us, I fought to fix us, when all you did was resist. Then at one point I was dragging you along and you just let me... I don't want to live like that anymore. I don't want to fight anymore because I am so tired Arizona, and you cheating on me just made everything clear. We aren't happy. Neither of us, and I wish that wasn't the truth, but it is. It is and I want a divorce."

Callie finished speaking her eyes began to water. She didn't know how she managed to get it all out, but it felt good. Everything she had bottled up was just spilling from her lips and she felt no remorse.

Arizona shook her head, her eyes pleading. "Callie..."

"That seems like all you know how to say," Callie said her voice slightly clipped.

"I made a mistake-"

"Which was the straw that broke the camel's back."

"I don't want to be divorced," Arizona mumbled, the pain clear in her voice. "I don't want to lose you."

Callie wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. "Yeah well... it's the only option I'm offering."

"I won't let you," Arizona mumbled. "I won't let you... I _can't_ let you." She was fighting for her wife now.

"It's not your choice," Callie said squeezing the hand that was still in hers. "So we better work something out."

Arizona didn't answer her, she sat staring at their hands locked together. She sat and thought about how empty the apartment was going to feel, how empty their bed would feel... how empty her heart would feel. She thought about the shell of a woman she was going to become and how she could do nothing to stop Callie from leaving her.

"I'll stay at Mark's until the lease is up, then I'll try to find something close by," Callie began letting Arizona know how this was happening. "Sofia can stay here at night, just like yesterday, too much change isn't good for her. When we go to file for a divorce we can figure out how we will split our money and other important things like that."

Again no answer. Arizona didn't want to answer, they were cementing their soon to be divorce by talking about the rules and conditions.

"And finally..." Callie stopped for a second, thinking about if she really wanted to go there.

"Yeah?"

"... I want the details Arizona," Callie got out before changing her mind. "I want to know how it happened."

"Callie, you don't want this," Arizona disagreed.

"You're right I don't want this Arizona," Callie agreed. "I need this... I need this."

"I won't tell you about it Callie, I've hurt you enough. Hearing it... what I did, will only manage to hurt you more," Arizona argued.

"I _want_ to hear it."

Arizona crossed her arms over her chest. She refused to tell Callie what happened, "No."

Callie slapped her hand on the table loudly, "DAMMIT ARIZONA," she yelled causing Arizona to jump. "Give me this, at _least _give me this."

Callie was pleading with her now and she couldn't deny her what she wanted.

"Fine," Arizona breathed out. It took her awhile for her to start, to find where she wanted to start her story from, but she eventually got there. Callie watched Arizona, waiting for what she needed to hear.

Arizona sighed sadly before beginning, "...She asked me to show her an on call room..."

…

Callie sat on the bench in front of the beautiful view of Seattle, the air whipped her hair around her face, her breathes came out in a painful burn. It was really cold out and she hadn't bothered to bring a jacket of substance. The sky was a dark gray, an ominous sign of the rain that was going to start pouring down soon. She had been sitting there since after her conversation with Arizona that morning.

Arizona had told her everything and when she was done, Callie stood up from the kitchen table and left. She left and she walked the streets of Seattle not knowing exactly where she was going until she found herself in front of a familiar bench. She shut her phone off and sat down on the bench and stared off into space.

She heard a crunch of the grass behind her before hearing a voice that she had thought she would probably never hear again.

"You know, if you want to not be found you should try to be not so predictable," Teddy chuckled softly as she watched her friend stare at the tombstone.

Callie turned to meet Teddy's gaze, "What are you doing here?" she asked as she jumped up to hug the tall blonde.

"Uhh," she hesitated not sure if bringing up the incident would hurt Callie or not. "... Arizona kind of called me last night before she got home."

"Right," Callie said, her warm breathe mingling with that of the cold air.

"Yeah, kind of grabbed the first flight to here," Teddy shrugged. "I was on vacation so I uh came."

"So she told you then?" Callie asked.

"Not everything, just that you were going to divorce her after she told you what she did and that she had screwed up royally," Teddy smiled sadly. "Said she was going to lose her family, that she had made the ultimate mistake."

"Well she was right about the divorce, but she isn't going to lose Sofia."

"You're her family to Cal."

"Yeah, well..." Callie shrugged unsure of where to take it next. What did she tell Arizona's best friend?

Teddy sighed audibly, "...why don't you tell me what happened."

Another shrug, "she cheated, it's simple."

Teddy gasped lowly. She didn't believe Arizona was capable of that, no one would believe Arizona was capable of that. Arizona was fiercely loyal and caring and thoughtful. She was madly in love with the woman that stood before her. There was no way that Arizona had cheated on Callie. "This is some sick joke right?" Teddy asked Callie.

"I wish," Callie said through gritted teeth, she was trying to suppress the tears that she felt coming on. "I wish this was some sick joke, it would be better than the actual situation. I wish that God would pop out from behind a building, pointing and laughing and say 'April Fools' or something. I hope Arizona is going to call any second and say that she made it all up. That all of it was a lie. I wish and I hope, but Teddy it is true. Everything is true and everything hurts and... and I can't Teddy. Because every time that I do, I cry. I cry because I lost the most important thing in my life. I cry because I know that I can't fix this, that I don't want to fix this. I cry because _I _gave up."

Teddy took her friend into another hug, rubbing her back. She didn't know what to say, did she comfort her friend by tell her it was right of her to leave her best friend or did she defend her best friend?

"You didn't give up Cal," Teddy whispered as she continued to rub circles on the taller woman's back. "You just gave in to what you know deep down is the correct choice. You can't stay in a relationship that doesn't make you happy. And as much as I want to defend Arizona, I can't, and what you did wasn't wrong."

"I just love her so much," Callie sobbed into Teddy's shoulder. "I love her so damn much and she hurt me so damn much, and I can't. I can't keep feeling like this, like I'm torn. You should see her Teddy, she is just as devastated by her actions as I am. She is losing just as much as me, and she has to live with the guilt of it all to. But I can't stick around and try to mend this because nothing can mend what's now broken."

"Shh Callie," Teddy said soothingly. "I've got you babe."

"You should see her Teddy," Callie sniffled. "You should go see her and talk to her."

"I will," Teddy nodded, "but for right now I'm going to be here for a friend in need. I'll talk to her later."

…

Arizona stood in the hall, watching the babies in the NICU. There was a calming effect to just standing there and watching as their tiny chests rose up and down to the rhythm of their breathing. Her head hit the glass and she took a deep breathe, the familiar hospital smell invading all of her senses. She loved this place, this was her thinking place, but she had no thoughts as she stood out there at the moment. There was nothing to think about... she felt empty.

She played with the ring that sat on her ring finger of her left hand. Twirling it around her finger, well her other hand played with its twin in her scrub pocket. The ring in her pocket just a heavy remainder of what she had lost last night, but one she refused to put or throw away. She wanted to carry it around with her.

She heard soft footsteps coming towards her, and she turned to meet the eyes of Dr. Boswell.

"You should go away," Arizona said softly.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing after last night," Lauren said her eyes looked concerned for the most part.

"How'd do you think I'm doing!?" Arizona spat taking a deep breathe to center herself. "...I lost my wife last night, my family, I lost my _everything_. Lauren, she was my everything."

Lauren stood before the blonde, not exactly sure how to respond to that. "I'm sorry?"

Arizona rolled her eyes slightly, "She was the love of my life and I cheated on her."

"If she was the love of your life wouldn't you have never cheated on her in the first place?" Lauren asked.

"I was weak and a coward and I succumbed to my weakness. I made a mistake," Arizona disagreed. "I'm human, you're attractive, I won't deny that."

"Did you tell her that?"

"Yeah, I told her everything and more, but that just doesn't make everything all better. I betrayed her Lauren, don't you get that. I broke the trust of the person I committed myself to for the rest of my life. You just don't bounce back from that," Arizona commented getting frustrated with the woman before her. "I slept with you, I slept with you and I hurt her and I just need you to go away now, please."

Lauren stood there for a second contemplating something before nodding her head and turning to leave. Arizona watched the woman leave and breathed out in relief once she was out of sight. She rubbed her face and let her forehead smack the cool glass again. A little ways down the hall she spotted Miranda Bailey and she internally groaned.

Bailey didn't need to know she cheated on her wife, not yet anyways. She knew sooner or later that the truth was bound to get out, at some point Callie would talk to one of their friends, but right now it was still the day after and nobody else needed to know.

"Did you hear all that?" Arizona asked the woman who still had yet to move.

Bailey looked her up and down for a second before nodding and making her way towards the blonde. "You and Torres gettin divorced?"

"Yeah," Arizona sighed. "Yeah we are... you must think I'm a terrible person."

Bailey didn't answer at first, just stood, looking at the babies herself. She smiled and placed her hand upon Arizona's shoulder, "Robbins, you did a terrible thing."

Arizona's heart clenched as she heard Bailey's words. She had just probably lost the respect of one of her favorite colleagues. "I know," she said through gritted teeth. "I know that."

Bailey shook her head as if Arizona didn't understand. "No Robbins, you did a terrible thing, but that doesn't necessarily make you a terrible person... You are a great surgeon who has done great things. You advocate for the people who can't do it themselves, hell, you save kids for a living. In my book, any person who has done the things you do is a _great _person. But even great people make mistakes Arizona. Now, I'm not saying what you did is forgivable, and you are going to have to give time for people to be mad and shocked with your actions. But you are _not _a bad person."

With a smile and a quick pat of the shoulder, Bailey was off down the hall again before Arizona could say anything else. Bailey's words had made her feel better, didn't ease the guilt, but made her feel like she wasn't going to be hated for the rest of her life. She hurt Callie Torres, one of the most loved surgeons in the hospital, and when word got out there was going to be hell to pay.

She made her bed, now she had to lie in it.


	3. Everybody Talks

**Big thanks again and always to my two betas BeckaLinda1997 and Cooper38**

**Thank you also to everyone who read, reviewed, favorited, and followed:) **

**Guess who's back? HAha read the chapter and found out :P**

Chapter 3: Everybody Talks

Arizona rose her eyebrows at a different nurse for what felt like the millionth time. All day she had been getting glares and stares from almost every nurse that she came in contact with. She had an inkling of an idea of why exactly they were staring, but she didn't want to acknowledge the fact that anybody else might know she had cheated on her wife with Dr. Boswell. This was bothering her to no end, the nurses had been only professional and cold today. Usually, they would chat and laugh and smile with the blonde doctor, but today there was just a lot of glaring.

The nurse just shook her head before looking away and beginning to work again. Arizona rolled her eyes and smacked the chart in her hand on the counter top. A nurse approached behind her before slapping down six different charts in front of her.

"Take care of this," the nurse said shooting daggers at Arizona the whole time.

"That's an interns job, not mine," Arizona argued.

"Yeah well," the nurse shrugged, "can't find an intern and you're a doctor. Take care of it."

"Geesh Zona, what did you do to piss off the nurses," Teddy half-joked as she made her way over to her best friend.

"Oh you know what I did Teddy," Arizona groaned. "Everybody apparently knows what I did. The nurses hate me now."

"Maybe that's because you betrayed the most universally liked doctor in this hospital," Teddy shot out without thinking. What Arizona did to Callie still made her quite angry, but her best friend needed someone in her corner, and Teddy was going to do just that. "...sorry."

Arizona shook her head, "no, please don't apologize. I deserve it, I cheated on my wife, the most loyal and loveable doctor here. I betrayed the one doctor who has ever really respected the nurses and treated them as an equal, of course the nurses are going to hate me."

"Honest?" Teddy asked.

"Honest," Arizona agreed.

"I kind of hate you," Teddy almost yelled. "What the hell were you thinking?!"

Arizona rolled her eyes and grabbed Teddy's arm, dragging her towards the nearest on call room. She pushed her best friend in before shutting the door behind them.

"You don't think I know that I screwed up Teddy," Arizona said as she flared her nostrils. "You don't think I know what I lost. Because _I _lost it Teddy, not you and not the damn nurses, _I _did. I lost my wife and I feel like I could lose my kid at any moment because of what I did. I don't need the nurses giving me death glares every five seconds reminding me of what I did, and I don't need _you _giving me a lecture on the results of my actions."

"I know that Arizona," Teddy wanted to yell. "I know that! Okay, but it is kind of hard not to send you death glares or give you lectures when you screwed up quite possibly the best thing in your life. You betrayed Callie and inadvertently you also betrayed your little girl. You broke every promise that you made to her, and it's kind of hard not to feel for Callie."

"I know," Arizona groaned as she let her head fall on her best friend shoulders. "I never thought I would be this person. The person who broke promises... because my father raised me better than that. I had an obligation to my family, and I managed to hurt them instead. And I'm not trying to sound like I stayed with Callie because I felt obligated to because that is the farthest from the truth it could get. I was with Callie because I love her, so damn much, and I love Sofia. I just... I had a moment of weakness, and in that moment I chose to do something that I deeply regret and can never take back... something that's ruined my family..."

Teddy sighed as she wrapped Arizona into a hug. Even though the blonde was the bad guy in this scenario, she was still Teddy's best friend, and that meant Teddy had an obligation to her. "God Arizona... I just..."

"I know. You hate me, the nurses hate me, and _she _hates me, which is quite possibly the one that hurts the most," Arizona sniffled trying to hold back tears.

Teddy shook her head, "she doesn't hate you Arizona. She could never hate you, and she could never stop caring..." Teddy stayed silently for a moment, mulling over the though or whether or not to tell Arizona about the park. "Yesterday... I went to see Callie in her spot at the park. We talked and she told me she would never take Sofia from you... she also tried to push me to come see and talk to you because she knew you would need someone at this time. Arizona, although she's hurting, she knows your hurting too and she doesn't like it. She also never said she hated you, which usually happens when one spouse cheats on the other."

"I guess that's good to know," Arizona smiled softly, although another pang of guilt hit her at the time. Callie still cared when she shouldn't have too. "... how was she?"

Teddy let go of her best friend, backing up and sitting on the arm of the couch. "She didn't look to good. She cried and she looks like she wants to give up, but I know she won't... she's strong Arizona, so strong and after everything she has been through, she will also get through this... but I also called Addison just in case. She needs someone who isn't the best friend of the person she is hurting over, and she also needs someone who isn't Cristina Yang seeing as that is her closest friend here"

Arizona nodded her head in agreement looking down at her best friend. "It's a good thing you did, although Addison will probably never want to talk to me again."

She's your wife's best friend, what do you expect," Teddy tried joking slightly, but her words only brought a contorted look of pain on her friend's face.

"Ex-wife," Arizona corrected. Teddy smiled at her friend sympathetically.

There was a loud banging at the door interrupting the moment between the two friends. A familiar voice yelled so to be heard through the thick wood. "Robbins, if you could stop cheating on your wife with woman in on-call rooms and start focusing on the sick and dying patients we have out here. Yeah, that would be great."

Teddy stalked over to the door of the room pulling it open angrily. Nobody talked to Arizona like that, no matter how bad of a crime she committed. Opening the door she was met face to face with a stone cold Cristina who looked highly unamused by her own comment.

Teddy's jaw locked looking at the other woman, "shut the hell up Yang. Why don't you walk away now before things quickly escalate and I pull a can of whip ass out on you."

"Why don't you tell your friend to stop sleeping around with any girl that offers herself up and start focusing on her wife already," Cristina snapped back.

"Why don't you back the fuck off," Teddy yelled this time. "You think she isn't hurting either?!"

Cristina looked at her with disbelief, "hurting? She doesn't deserve to hurt when _she _was the one who betrayed_ her_ wife, not the other way around! She doesn't get the easy way, and she sure as hell does NOT get any respect from me. That was my friend she hurt... so I won't back the fuck off and I will definitely not be being sympathetic to her little situation that, need I remind you, she got herself into!"

Arizona was on the verge of tears as she listened to Cristina's harsh words. Even knowing that everything she said was true, she was still human, and it still hurt.

"Oh but you were sure sympathetic about Owen's little situation," Teddy shot out before she could register her words. Quickly she slapped her hand over her mouth knowing full well she may have went to far.

Cristina cocked her fist back going to hit the tall blonde in front of her, but a tan hand gripped her fist before it could make contact with the other woman. "Back off Yang," Callie's voice rang in the air. "You don't have beef with either of them, I do. You are _way _out of line right now, so back the hell off!"

Cristina took a deep breath before cracking her neck and stomping off down the hallway. Everybody who was around were officially staring at the scene that had taken place before them... no doubt what had happened would spread like a wildfire.

Callie just sighed before looking at Teddy, "sorry about that."

"It's okay," Teddy said waving her off. "Go, I've got this."

Callie nodded before taking a quick peek around Teddy's shoulder to get a brief look at the blonde. Arizona looked hurt, really hurt, and Callie hated that she wanted to make her all better. "Okay... I'll just go talk to Cristina, tell her it's not okay to do this. I doubt she'll stop giving the both of you dirty looks and making the occasional snarky comment, but she will definitely never snap at you again."

"Thank you," Teddy smiled sadly, softly. "If it wasn't for you I'm pretty sure she would have been out of surgery for awhile, and I would have been out of eye sight for awhile. You know black eyes and broken hands."

Callie couldn't bring herself to laugh, so instead she offered up a slight smile. "No need to thank me. It was all Karev, told me Cristina was down yelling at you... and well you are both my friends and it's none of her business." Callie furrowed her brows and swished her mouth to the side before throwing up her hand in a goodbye wave and heading down the hallway back to orthopedics.

Teddy turned around to look at Arizona who was obviously hurting. She got pissed at Yang all over again for what just happened. It was none of Cristina's damn business and now her best friend, her non-sister sister, was hurting.

"She's right you know," Arizona whispered out almost brokenly. "I don't deserve to feel hurt."

"Aww babe," Teddy wanted to cry because of the look of pure devastation on Arizona's face. She felt hurt when Arizona felt hurt, it was like a rule. "You most definitely get to hurt, you lost your family as well... granted you caused it, but you lost them too. You _get_ to _hurt_."

Arizona reached for Teddy's hand, and as soon as the link between them was established, she instantly broke down. Teddy once again wrapped the smaller blonde up in a tight hug as she rubbed her back and let her cry on her shoulder. The same as she had done for Callie, and the same she would continue to do for the both of them as long as they needed her.

"You did a terrible thing babe... doesn't mean you're a terrible person," Teddy whispered in her ear. Same as Bailey had told her, and something Arizona wasn't yet willing to belief. She did a horrible thing, and for that she felt like a horrible person. She felt like a monster and a failure and she wasn't entirely sure how to deal with all these new emotions that began to stir in her heart.

"I don't know about that," Arizona sobbed softly.

"Tell me when you have ever broken an obligation or really _really _hurt Callie other than this?" Teddy asked trying to make her best friend see that she wasn't all bad.

"Um," Arizona began to cry harder. "When I broke up with her over a stupid argument about the kids she wanted and I didn't... the kids I didn't know I wanted with her until Sofia was in my arms. Or we could go with the day I left her in the airport for Africa... which I don't entirely regret because than we would have never had Sofia... or there is the time when she made the decision to cut off my leg to _save _my life and I treated her like crap for months and months because I didn't want to forgive her. I mean the problem wasn't even the problem, it was my attitude about the problem."

Teddy internally slapped herself for asking that question. It hadn't managed to make Arizona see that she was also loyal and honorable, it had only managed to make her feel worse. "Okay, but what about the time you stood up to her father and made him see what a big mistake he was making by cutting her out of the family. Or the time when you picked her up from the dust after Hahn had left her in the parking lot, or when you were there for her after George died..."

"... those are really weak points," Arizona pointed out.

"Fine," Teddy huffed. "Have you ever cheated on her before this, or have you ever thought about cheating on her before you actually cheated?"

Arizona shook her head.

"Exactly, you had a weak moment, you are _human_. And, okay, maybe that doesn't make this right, but it's not like you were some serial cheater... that would make you a terrible person. You cheated once and that does not make you a terrible person, it just makes your actions terrible," Teddy assured her.

All Arizona nodded as she pulled back, using the sleeve of her lab coat to wipe away the tears. She wasn't exactly ready to believe Teddy yet, but the taller blonde did manage to make the hurt go away a little.

"Thanks Teds," Arizona whispered.

"Anytime kiddo," Teddy grinned. "Anytime."

…

"What the hell were you thinking Cristina?" Callie asked the smaller woman who was currently pacing the attending's lounge trying to get her anger under control. She was pissed with Teddy, and she was beyond pissed at Arizona.

"I was thinking that Robbins hurt you," Cristina said as she turned to face Callie. "She hurt you and you are my friend, and I know exactly what it's like to be in your position. I know Callie, cause I've been there and it is the crappiest feeling in the world."

"Cristina," Callie sighed looking at one of her closest friends. "I know it's crappy," tears began to well up in her eyes, "I know and I'm not saying it isn't. What I am saying is that you can't treat her like crap because she treated me like that. And you cannot blow up at Teddy for defending her. Teddy is her best friend and it is understandable that she would protect her, but she is also my friend and she also cares about me as well."

"So?" Cristina asked. "So what if she cares about you, she choose her side."

"There are no _sides _Cristina" Callie said. "There are no sides and even if there was Teddy is definitely not on Arizona's. She does not agree with what Arizona did, but she is going to comfort her all the same because that's what friends do. That's what they do and I won't fault her for it... and neither will you."

Cristina rolled her eyes at the woman before her, she couldn't believe what Callie was saying. "So what, you still all head over heels in love with roller girl? You going to forgive her and sweep your problems under the rug and walk around like everything is all fine and dandy? Because isn't that what got you here in the first place?"

"I'm not saying that Cristina!" Callie snapped. "I am _not _saying that, and don't you _ever_ bring up my marital problems again! Do you hear me?! I don't forgive Arizona, and everything is still raw and everything still hurts and I have no clue how the hell I'm still standing. I feel like I just want to go crawl in a hole and die, but I can't because I have duties that need tending. I have to be _strong_ Cristina, and hating someone just feels too exhausting at the moment... and the truth is... I still love her. I love her and she cheated and God I can't even breathe..."

Callie began to cry now, the tears streaming silently down her face. "... I can't breathe and I am confused and I just... I'm heartbroken and empty and I feel like a shell. Like everything I've been doing lately is just me going through the motions, and I don't think I'll be the same again. Cristina," Callie choked out as she continued, "the only thing keeping me going right now is my kid... she is the only thing that is keeping me standing, and I am just so tired... so when you pick fights with my ex and her best friend and _I _have to deal with them, you are pushing me passed a breaking point that I was shot over long ago. You are adding to the stress and the hurt and the pain... so please..."

Cristina walked over to her friend and let her collapse in her arms. If Cristina was a sympathetic crier, she would definitely be balling right, and even the despite the fact she wasn't a sympathetic crier, the tears were still welling up in her own eyes. "Ill stop," Cristina whispered as she held Callie in her arms. "... no more fights okay."

"Okay," Callie said, "thank you Yang."

Cristina nodded and patted Callie on theback, backing away from her. "I have to go," she said pointing towards the door, "surgery."

Callie nodded in understanding. Cristina was half way out the door before turning back to look at the raven-haired woman, "oh! And if you tell anyone I kind of, sort of cried with you, I'll deny it to the ends of earth and back."

"I would expect no less," Callie smiled the first genuine smile all day. She watched Cristina turn and walk away without another word, thankfully she had gotten through to the younger woman.

Sighing deeply she plopped herself down on the couch wanting to take a minute to wallow in her misery. There wasn't much wallowing since last night, after her talk with Teddy she decided to talk the rest of the day off and did a lot of jogging of the streets of Seattle. During the afternoon she had gone grocery shopping and then clothes shopping for Sofia. By the time she got home it was about six and she made dinner, drank a whole bottle of wine, and drowned out her thoughts with crappy reality TV. She knew that Arizona had Sofia for the night, so there was no worrying about that. The whole day she hadn't let herself feel much, distracting her emotions with mundane tasks, but at night, when there was nothing to distract her, she laid in bed curled into a ball.

She had no tears, there was nothing left to cry about at the time, but she did have a surplus of pain that she could not get rid of. No matter how apathetic of the situation she tried to be, there was no way around the fact that Arizona's actions had hurt like hell. She wanted Mark at the moment, or Addison, but the facts were Mark was dead and Addison lived in L.A. So she was going it alone.

There was a soft knock on the attending's lounge door which instantly snapped Callie from her thoughts. She turned and was met with the red head she had been wanting to talk to but couldn't bring herself to.

"Addie," Callie gasped in surprise, "what are you doing here?"

Addison took in the appearance of her friend before her. There were dark circles beneath her eyes like she hadn't gotten much sleep, and she looked broken and lost and desperately in need of a friend. "So that's the greeting I get? I see how it is," Addison joked smiling at Callie.

Callie jumped off the couch quickly and enveloped her best friend into a giant hug. "Gosh it is so good to see you, you have no idea."

"I can imagine..." Addison said softly, "... I'm sorry Cal."

Callie just shrugged, "it's not your fault."

"Teddy called yesterday," Addison began, opting to answer Callie's original question. "Jumped on the first flight to Seattle so I could come kick some blonde cheerleader ass."

Callie chuckled softly, "of course you did... thank you Addie."

"Want to talk about it?" Addison asked.

Callie shook her head, "I did enough talking with Cristina about it today, I just want to finish working and go home with my baby girl."

"Okay," Addison smiled softly, "you finish the day, I'll gather Sofia and we go to your place together. You can make me dinner and we can drink wine and I can tell you about my beyond crappy love life and we can laugh at all of the crappy reality shows that we will stay up late watching... sound okay?"

"Sounds fantastic," Callie grinned. "Sounds like exactly what I need... I am really _really _glad you are here Addie."

"Yeah well," Addison shrugged. "You call and I will come running every single time. I'm here Cal, for as long as you need, and if that means moving back to Seattle and moving in with you, I will do just that."

"Yeah?" Callie chuckled, "and when we hit the ripe old age of fifty and we both are lonely old hags we can sign domestic partnership papers and buy ten cats and raise Sofia together."

"Hell yes," Addison laughed glad to see her friend joking around. She slapped Callie's arm lightly before jerking her head towards the door,"now come on love, you have to work and I have my sweet, little lady to see."

Callie pursed her lips and nodded, she felt the best she could at the moment. Better than she had been feeling these past two days, and even though she was no where near feeling okay, she knew that one day she would be with friends like the ones she had.

Cristina was going to protect her to no end, and Addison would be there to perk her up and remind her she wasn't the only one who had been dealt a crappy hand. Addison could sit there and swap her horrible life stories with Callie and they would laugh together at their seemingly endless misfortune.

Both Addison and Cristina were quite sympathetic to her situation as well, seeing as they had also both been cheated on. Granted, Addison had cheated first and than kind of, sort of made her husband stay with her out of obligation.

Callie knew for as okay as she was not and would not be for awhile, that her friends would be okay enough for her. They would carry her when she couldn't do it herself and comfort her when she needed a shoulder to cry on. She had people and she had Sofia, and even if she could never bring herself to be friends and forgive Arizona again, she could peacefully coexist with her.

Calliope Torres was strong, and she would try her damnedest to remember that when she was feeling down.


	4. Lay Me Down (Thirty Lives)

**Okay, i am truly sorry for the long wait and that as of roght now it is unbetad. I wanted to get this out there pretty fast so I posted before I got it betad but either way I still want to thank my two lovely betas. **

**I want to say right now that for one of the conversations that I may have used some dialogue from In Plain Sight, and added on or changed it a bit. Also, it starts to get slightly without further ado please enjoy**

Chapter 4: Lay Me Down (Thirty Lives)

_Good morning myself _

_It's been awhile since we have talked_

_You have changed_

_For better or worse is yet to determine_

_But I am sure_

_You'll keep living and breathing until this world turns over_

_Lay me down_

_Lay me down_

_Again_

_My friend I know it's been awhile since I could look you in_

_the eyes_

_And I am foolish and I'm sorry_

_But sorry never made it feel alright _

_Alright_

...

Addison was hugged into her hoodie as she watched her best friend stare into space, she was really worried about her. Callie rubbed at her eyes as she sat on the fence post looking out into the setting sun. A cool breeze pounded continuously on her exposed arms, it stung, but it felt inexplicably good. She had taken a ride with Addison into the countryside to try to clear her mind, it was what she needed desperately.

She had called her today, Callie had called Arizona. It was an accident and something that she had done on pure instinct, what she had always done when she had rocked an exciting surgery. It had been exhilarating and usually when she was done she would find or call Arizona and gush to her about it.

So when she was done with the surgery, without thinking, she had picked up her phone and called her almost ex-wife. She hadn't realized what she had done until Arizona's sleep filled voice answered the phone with a concerned 'Callie?'. She had smiled at the sound of the voice, Callie had always loved the sound of her wife's voice right after she had been woken. But before Callie could begin gushing, the reality of the situation hit her at full speed and she had quickly hung up the phone and tossed it aside. She let her face fall into her hands as she took a deep breathe to try to gather herself. Arizona of course had called her multiple times after that, concerned that something was wrong with Callie, so Callie had turned off her phone and took a ride out of town. It was peaceful out here, and it gave her time to gather herself.

Lately all Callie had found herself wanting to do was go home and curl around Arizona at night as their baby girl fell asleep in the room next to theirs. She had wanted to go home and make dinner and watch as Arizona played with Sofia and laugh at all their antics. She wanted nothing more than to have her family back, and she knew that if Arizona insisted that she came back to her, that she would. She would come crawling back to Arizona every time because she loved the damn woman and she did not want to love her anymore. Callie wanted nothing more than to be able to feel absolute indifference towards the blue eyes that read her like a book and the dimples that cracked her toughest shells. But that wasn't how emotions worked... no emotions were messy and complicated, and they allowed her to continue to love a woman with everything that she had even though she had cheated on her. Even though she had let another woman touch the body that was meant to be solely hers to touch. Let another woman taste the lips that were only hers to taste. Arizona had allowed another woman to see a side of her that she had promised to Callie and only Callie for the rest of their lives together. How did she move past that? And how the hell did her heart still belong to the woman who had crushed it into dust and blew it into the wind?

Callie took a deep breath, trying to answer the question but coming up short. She couldn't understand for the life of her why when all she wanted to do was forget her wife that her emotions would not let her... Without Arizona, Callie had been miserable. It seemed like nothing made sense without the blonde-haired woman in her life. Surgeries no longer brought her joy, drinking no longer took away the pain, and she could not even stomach the thought of having sex with another person. When she had promised herself to Arizona for forever, she had meant it completely, she never wanted to be intimate with another person for as long as she lived. Talking with her friends now felt like a daily chore, something she did more to please them than bring happiness to herself. The only happy moments she now had were with Sofia. Callie lived for her daughter now, co-parenting with Addison on the alternating weekends she had Sofia. Addison had officially moved in with her, packing up her practice back in L.A. to come back and live in Seattle.

Sofia stayed with Arizona on the weekdays who had her through the night and straight into the morning. She would then take Sofia to daycare and Callie would pick her up after, feed her dinner, and take her across the hall when bedtime came about. Than on alternating weekends one of the woman would have Sofia for the whole weekend, ending with a family Sunday dinner. The Sunday dinners were nothing short of awkward, with minimal interaction between Callie and Arizona, and most of the conversation being carried out by Addison and Sofia and Teddy. Teddy had also officially moved in with Arizona, taking back her old job at the hospital because she had decided that she was meant to reside in Seattle with her "niece" and her best friend.

That was what the two woman's relationship had been reduced down to now though, awkward Sunday dinners and the least amount of interaction possible. And secretly it killed Callie because never before had she struggled so much with just being in the presence of Arizona. Never before had she avoided looking her in the eye, or talking to her if not necessary. The extent of what they said to each other was stuff like "pass the green beans", or "yeah she is all packed and ready". There were never any smiles, and Callie always made sure to avoid touching Arizona all together. Whether it was an innocent hand brush or they accidentally bumped into each other in the kitchen, Callie tried to avoid it at all costs. Callie believed that this was hell, that she was in her own personal purgatory because of the abject failure she was as a wife... or at least that's how she felt. She felt like everything that had transpired was her fault... even though she knew it wasn't... she just needed to have a clear cut answer to why Arizona had cheated, so blaming herself was the easiest thing to do.

The person who Callie once was, was slowly crumbling away as the days went on. When she woke up in the morning, she hardly recognized the person she had become. She seemed to have dark bags under her eyes at all times, her eyes always appeared blood shot, and her hair was always up. She did not bother to do much other than laze around on her days off well throwing herself into work on the weekdays. She had found herself with insomnia. Most nights she hardly even slept, and she was fast tracking herself for a quick trip to the hospital due to the lack of it. So up until the early hours of the morning she would research, and the nights she did not sleep at all she would push her surgeries off onto the other Ortho attending for the day so she wouldn't be putting her patient in danger.

Owen let it slide for the most part, allowing her to focus on her research, but he was worried. As was the rest of the other members of the board. She had stopped showing up to the meetings all together, and stopped interacting with most of them. Cristina was the only one she talked to who was on the board, and Addison was the only other coworker she would speak to. She had cut herself off from the masses, and found herself snappy with the nurses and their incessant gossip.

The old Callie seemed like a mythical creature now, just an old folks tale that was made up and her famous mega-watt smile was something even more rare than the thought of a happy Callie. When she smiled it was forced, never touching her eyes, and never seeming genuine. Sofia brought out the only genuine smiles from her, but still none of them came close to her famous smile. That scared Callie the most. That no matter how genuine the smile that Sofia brought to her face, that her baby girl would never get to see her mommy beam at her like she used too. She was scared that somehow she was going to mess up her kid with her misery, that by splitting with Arizona that Sofia would never know what true happiness and contentment was because both her mothers were so broken. Or at least Callie was broken... she wasn't really sure about Arizona. But than again, the ped's surgeon had always been amazing at putting up facades and hiding her true feelings.

Callie took another deep breathe, this time closing her eyes and enjoying the burn that it caused in her nostrils. Her face and hands felt numb and her nose was beyond cold, but she loved the feeling. She loved the sharpness of the cool wind on her face, she loved anything that made her feel alive if even for a brief moment. Because if there was one thing she did not feel anymore, it was alive.

"What are you thinking in there?" A quiet voice asked breaking her thoughts.

Callie's eyes flashed over to Addison, she had almost forgotten she had come with her. "Nothing to important."

"Oh come on Callie, talk to me. I have been here officially for over a month now, and not once have you actually talked to me about your problems," Addison sighed. "You need to talk now Callie, and okay so maybe you don't want to talk to me... but please Cal, talk to someone... anyone. Just talk."

"I want to talk Addison... God do I want to talk, but everytime I begin to or everytime I try to broach the subject all the words get caught in my throat... I mean because how do you even begin to voice something like this... this never ending pain and hurt. I don't know how to talk about it, and I don't know what to say because what is there to say?" Callie asked almost throwing her hands in the air. "Am I suppose to say that she hurt me because that's obvious. Or do you want me to say that I'm broken because if my appearance doesn't reflect that than I don't know what does. Or how about I say that I hate her because that's the farthest from the truth that I can possibly get... I don't hate her. I want to hate her, everything in me screams at me to hate her, but I can't. Which throws me off you know? Because I thought that when something like this happened..."

"Emotions aren't black and white Callie," Addison smiled sadly as she put a hand on her friend's shoulder. "Nothing is black and white, and everything comes in different shades of gray. When someone hurts you, even if it is very badly, you don't instantly stop loving them and begin to hate them. The world just doesn't work that way."

"Yeah well it would be easier if it did," Callie frowned.

Addison nodded her agreement and rested her head on the shoulder her hand had previously occupied.

"I just..." Callie paused gathering her thoughts, "I just, I don't know... She promised me a forever Addison, a forever. She promised me and she made her vows and we were happy. The world was right and we were in love and nothing could have brought me down from my high... Then the world decided to say 'fuck you Callie' like it always does when I'm anywhere near happy and strip all the happiness from me. It threw my wife into a plane crash, took her leg, and made her cheat on me. I mean what the hell was that, haven't I paid my dues, haven't I been here before... because I have been here before with George, but I was never this heartbroken."

"You're life is like a bad story isn't it?" Addison chuckled softly which caused Callie to chuckle in response.

"Oh God," Callie laughed, "my life is like a really bad story. Just when my life seems to get right back on track, the sick and twisted writer has to go and stir up the drama and angst just for entertainment."

"Well look at it this way, at least you have a really great story," Addison smiled at her friend. "You have been dragged down into the depths of Tartarus and back and you have come out better and stronger every time. You have never let anything defeat you, you have never given up, and for that I admire you Callie. I admire your strength and your courage... to put your heart on the line for a third time after it was crushed twice before is not something many people dare do. But you did it, and that was amazing... and I think, I really do think, that you can and will bounce back from this. You will get up off the floor, dust yourself off, and find a way to carry on and be better because of it."

"I don't know this time Addie," Callie whispered out softly. "This time I don't think I will."

"I know this time you will love," Addison grinned, "because you are Calliope freakin' Torres. You are Callie Torres, badass orthopedic Goddess who rebuilds limbs for a living. You are hot and funny and a genius and you have a little girl that absolutely adores you. Seriously, she worships the ground that you walk on, and you have pretty fantastic friends who will be there every step of the way."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Addison assured her, "'cause I will always be there and Cristina has never been this nice in her life. I mean seriously, she gave you a hug last week, when has Yang ever initiated unnecessary contact?"

"It was a little scary," Callie agreed with a laugh.

"So right now it might feel like your life will never be the happy one it was before, but eventually it will pick up. Eventually, everything will be okay and the hurt that you feel right now won't hurt so much and you might meet another nice man or woman who you might want to try again with. And I'm not saying this is going to happen in a week or two or that it will happen in a month or two. What I'm saying it that eventually things will be okay and it will take however long it will take, a couple months to a year or two, but life will pick up. I have complete faith in that," Addison said pulling Callie down from the fence and into a bone crushing hug.

"What if I don't want to meet anybody else?" Callie said sadly. "Cause I don't, cause she was it for me."

"Well than we do like you said, we'll sign domestic partnership papers, buy ten cats, and raise Sofia together," Addison laughed. "Because by the looks of it, I will be forever single, so we'll be forever single together. Whatever you want Cal, is what we are going to do. Because like I've said before, when you call I'm going to come, and when you need me I'm going to be there."

A soft thank you was whispered as Callie burrowed her face back into her friend's shoulder.

"Anytime love, anytime," Addison smiled hugging her best friend tighter before letting her go completely. "Now lets get our asses home because I'm freezing and I'm hungry."

"Of course you are," Callie teased as she rolled her eyes.

"What!?" Addison defended, "there are two things I'm absolutely frikin fantastic at and that is anything to do with vaginas and babies, and eating."

"Mmm eating vaginas," Callie joked.

Addison smacked her in the arm, "you dirty minded woman. That was not how I meant it."

"Yeah," Callie laughed, "but that's how it came out."

Addison just gave her the 'really!?' look and smacked her in the arm once more before turning on her heel towards the car. Which only got a louder laugh out of the Latina.

…

Arizona sat on the couch with a glass of red wine in her hand, watching as the liquid swirled due to the motion of her hand. She inhaled the familiar scent that she knew all too well, taking a large swig as she savored the taste she was fighting hard to remember. A taste that she had associated with her wife for so long. She could barely remember how Callie's lips had tasted whenever she drank the blood red liquid and the thought scared her... she never thought she would be struggling to remember how Callie's lips tasted. It had been over a month since she had last kissed the raven-haired woman, a long and agonizing month of heartbreak and non-stop pain.

"It's probably not healthy to drink your ex-wife's wine in hopes to remember how she tasted," a voice broke through Arizona's thoughts. Her eyes connected with those of her best friend's as she watched her shuffle over to take a seat next to Arizona on the couch.

"Not ex," Arizona corrected as she took another large swig of the drink, "and I'm not trying to remember her taste... I just wanted wine and we were all out of white."

"Yeah," Teddy shrugged, "that's because for the past month you started buying red. The exact same red that Callie drank... and now all Callie drinks is white, the exact same kind you used to drink."

Arizona just shrugged, not entirely sure how to respond to the comment. "She called me today."

"Oh yeah what for?"

"I don't know," Arizona shrugged. "I was napping with Sofia on the couch when the phone rang and woke me up. I was slightly confused as to why exactly she would be calling me, but she hung up quickly after she had called."

"Is everything alright with her?" Teddy asked but than mentally slapped herself because she knew Callie was far from alright.

Arizona shrugged again, "I don't know. I called her back... multiple times and she didn't answer. I called Addison after, just to check you know, but Addison told me that she was fine and to stop calling."

"Of course Addie did," Teddy chuckled knowing full well how protective Addison was when it came to Callie.

"Oh so you're calling her Addie now?" Arizona asked thrown off by the nickname.

Teddy shrugged, "we live in the apartment across from each other and have dinner with each other every Sunday. When all I have to talk to for about an hour or two every Sunday is Addison, than of course I'm going to get close with the woman. Plus, you know, we swap tips on how to deal with our all but broken best friends."

"Hardy har har Teds," Arizona said as she glared at the blonde. Arizona's face softened and she dropped her eyes to the floor. "...I miss her so much Teddy."

Teddy was thrown slightly by the abrupt change in subject but quickly pulled the smaller blonde closer to her and wrapped her arms around Arizona. "I know."

"I just... I put up this facade you know, pretend to be fine when I'm not, and I know I brought this on myself... I know that, but I just..."

"You miss her," Teddy finished for her.

"Yes, so damn much," Arizona said biting on her lip to hold back the tears. "I miss waking up next to her and watching her sleep or trying to wake her and having her fight me. I miss making her coffee every morning and watching as she got Sofia ready or how she would sing in the shower. I miss coming home and sitting next to her as we held hands and basked in the comfort of one another. It's the little things Teddy, all the little things that I miss the most and they just add up and build. Like the way she would peck my cheek before I fell asleep every night without fail, or how she smiled whenever she saw me with Sofia. I..." tears began to fall down Arizona's face, "... I miss the warmth that she provided me at night and how she always drove the nightmares away. How we were always connected when we were together in some way, shape, or form. I miss the way she said my name or how she always brought out my brightest smile, a smile just for her and our baby girl... God I miss it all Teddy."

Teddy's eyes were wet with unshed tears as she listened to her best friend talk about her wife. She could feel the absolute love that her friend had for Callie, and that somehow pulled and tugged at her own heart strings. " I know babe," Teddy smiled sadly rubbing her best friend's back, "I know."

"I don't know what to do anymore," Arizona admitted in a whisper. "I'm not sure how to carry on right now."

"Than I'll carry you until you can do it yourself," Teddy answered. "It's what I'm here for."

"Okay," Arizona sniffled. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"I love you."

Teddy chuckled, "I know. I love you too."

"You're my only friend right now."

"I would imagine."

"Everybody hates me," Arizona chuckled sadly. "Serves me right."

"Nobody hates you."

"Cristina," Arizona answered simply.

Teddy shrugged, "okay so one person who may or may not hate you. But the nurses seem to be coming around, and the group is talking to you now."

"Hardly," Arizona snorted, "Derek and Avery sit and give me sad smiles, Cristina can't spare me a glance, Webber gives me the whole Bailey 'bad thing not a bad person' talks, and Meredith is the only one who even attempts conversation. Although it is always very awkward and almost pitying. The ortho nurses shoot daggers at me, and the only nurses who even try to be nice are the peds nurses. The rest of them can give two craps."

" Okay, so maybe the hold a certain dislike towards you, but they don't hate you," Teddy tried to reassure her. "Plus, besides me, you got Alex too."

"That's true, Karev has been nice about it."

"Things will get better Arizona," Teddy said softly. Arizona watched her best friend, looked into her eyes and saw nothing but love. Maybe Teddy was right, maybe eventually things could get better.

"I hope your right," Arizona sighed. She really did, and she knew that things wouldn't get better instantly, that it would take awhile. And sometimes things even got a lot worse before starting to pick up, but it was something she had to live with. She had to live with it because she had caused it.

She made her bed.

…

Callie walked the halls with her head down and a cup of coffee in her hand. She had nothing to do for awhile, and she decided to catch some sleep in an on-call room considering that she had not done much sleeping the previous night. She didn't actually think that she was going to get any sleep considering that she was about to down caffeine topped with the fact that she could hardly sleep anyways, but she was going to try none the less.

Once she had gotten home with Addison, they had drank a whole bottle of wine before Addison had passed out on the couch. For the rest of the night Callie had brought down some old pictures that were hiding in the closest and shifted through them, taking a drive back down memory lane. It had made her laugh and it had made her cry, but most importantly it kept her distracted from her thoughts that never seemed to stop.

Without warning, her body collided roughly with that of another persons. The hot liquid in her hand seemed to jump from the cup and right onto her scrub top. Quickly she began to try to distance her scrub top from her chest seeing as the coffee was now beginning to burn her skin as it was seeping through the material.

"I am so sorry," a familiar voice said quickly which caused Callie to instantly stop her movements. She looked up and was met with all to familiar blue eyes. Arizona looked Callie up and down, noticing how tired the Latina looked. When she was met with Callie's eyes she could see just how exhausted she was, she had looked like she had aged slightly. Not in a bad way, but aged none the less since the last time she saw her.

"Umm," Callie looked at Arizona, "it's okay."

"Are you okay?" Arizona asked looking at the wet scrub top. Callie knew she was asking about the coffee that had burned her, but Callie also knew that she was asking about her in general.

Taking a deep breath, Callie nodded, "I will be."

"Good," Arizona smiled slightly, "that's good."

"Umm yeah," Callie nodded again.

"I could um, I could get you another coffee," Arizona offered, "as an apology."

"Uhh, it's fine. I didn't really need it anyways," Callie shrugged, "so I should go clean myself up." Callie turned on her heel to walk back towards the locker room.

"Calliope," Arizona called out after her.

Callie turned back to face Arizona who was shifting side to side uncomfortably.

"Arizona," Callie sighed.

Arizona made her way to Callie, grabbing the raven-haired woman's hand. Callie's eyes flashed to hers and she could see the unshed tears in her wife's eyes. Arizona brought a hand up to caress Callie's cheek before dropping her hands and shoving them in her pockets.

Callie inhaled deeply before whispering out, "I still love you."

Arizona smiled sadly, "I know."

"But I don't want to still love you."

"I know," Arizona said closing her eyes. "I know, because this, what we have, is undefinable. Because you're like my phantom limb Calliope."

Callie looked at her in confusion.

"There's nothing there anymore," Arizona explained, "there's nothing there anymore, but it's like I can't accept that something so essential and natural to me has moved on. I have these memories of what's always been and what always will be there, and it's so strong. And even in it's clear and sudden absence Calliope... even though you're gone and I hurt you and I messed up and our complete awkwardness around each other... even through all that, our connection cannot be denied."

I know," Callie nodded, "and I love that, but that's the problem. So Arizona, I need you to do something for me."

"Anything," Arizona agreed.

"I need you to release me," Callie asked, "Because I need to be free enough to move on. And I want to be happy, and I need you to be okay enough for that to happen. I need to know that you aren't keeping this hope alive that the two of us can be together again because if you keep hoping and trying, than I'll be inclined to fall back into you again. And Arizona," Callie breathed deeply almost as if she were about to begin to hyperventilate. "I need you to release me because if you call I'll come. Every time. So I'm asking you not to call and not to try and not to hope because I will come."

Arizona watched her wife with silent tears streaming down her face. She didn't care that they were in the middle of the hospital's hallway. She sniffled and wiped at her own tears before answering Callie, "I don't know a lot these days. All I know is that more than anything in the whole world, I want you to be happy again... so if this is what you need, if this is what you want... I will give it too you."

Callie looked at Arizona before cupping her cheek. Her lips met Arizona's gently, softly, she could taste Arizona's tears as they mixed with her own. She broke from the kiss and rested her forehead against Arizona's, "This is what I need."

"Okay," Arizona whispered out, holding onto the sob that was threatening it's way out.

"Okay," Callie repeated before letting the blonde go.

She glanced at Arizona one last time before she turned and left her wife standing in the hallway sobbing.

…

_"Nobody likes letting go. From our earliest moments, from birth until we're six feet under, our instinct is to grab, grip, cling to a finger, bottle, best friend, to a faded old racing form. Sometimes we hold on for dear life to the very things that keep us from living it, but that comes with an upside. It's the way we feel when we finally let go. The trick, I guess, is to not find a way around the curveballs life serves up, but to live with them; a halfway happy, uneasy alliance, and to search for new things to cling to, and when you finally find them to hang on just as tight. And around and around we go, holding on until the time comes to say goodbye, and like it or not, ready or not, you have to accept one universal truth: Life is messy..." - Mary Shannon_

**_A/N: I also wanted to address one of the reviews I got and since it was from a guest, I will address that here. I wanted to express my view on Derek/Addison staying together, and I think that yes Addison did make her husband stay out of obligation inadvertently. I think that somehow by offering to sign the divorce papers she knew that he wouldn't do it because of the man he is, was she consciously aware of this, no, but I do believe that she inadvertently got Derek to stay out of obligation. That is also why I chose to use the words kind of, sort of, instead of saying directly that she did make him stay out of obligation. And yes, this is all Derek's fault, and Addison isn't at fault for him staying, but I think and I believe what I believe. So that doesn't mean that I do not pay attention much, it just means that I read the storyline differently, that I saw something different and I was not spouting bullshit for the sake of spouting bullshit. Anyways, I want to thank you for the review none the less, as it taught me to chose my words more carefully_**

**_Also, for those of you, if any, that are waiting for Dead Sea fear not because the next chapter will be up pretty soon hopefully._ That story is for the most part fluff, so check it out if you want. - Yup promoting my story with my other story haha I'm a horrible human being. Anyways hope you enjoyed and as always thoughts and comments are more than welcomed :)**


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